Where does bravery come from? I can never be really sure but I think that a person is not only brave when they are facing danger but when they have been forced by circumstance to make a choice on one hand is the hard road and on the other a much easier one to be brave means to take that hard road to walk boldly into the flame so that others can see it is an illusion so that others can forget their fear and walk with out the terror that sits so heavy upon the human heart at times. "Your brother has cancer" the voice of my mother this last November 2013 after i was sure it was no joke I made arrangements to go and see him at his hospital room nearly 400 miles away in Humboldt county an 18 hr drive we made in 13 each mile passing by like someone had pored glue into worlds hour glass my mother has an awful habit of trying to annoy me on long car trips by pointing out the cows that we pass by its a reference to something from my childhood that I can never remember she didn't this time each time we did pass some I knew more surely the seriousness of the situation tension building the whole time between us like vibrating bars about to break I finally broke the silence myself by pointing into one of the last fields we passed
"looks ba ba a cow",
"Peter that's a bull" and we both laughed
I knew then that what I was doing mattered that people need to laugh just as surely as they need to breath just as surely as the blood transfusions that my brother received on so many occasions some of which were made of my blood saved his life this too was vital and that it just might be my lot in life to make light of this heavy thing that I could bear the burden that others couldn't and that because of that I had to.we stayed with him a full week during which he was transferred to the cancer ward in San Fransisco where they eventually saved his life but not before we had to leave him which broke my heart but before we left I told my mom to go ahead of me I had something to say to my brother fighting back the torrent of my tears I hugged him and said "your gonna get well"
"How can you be sure" he said and in that moment I could feel the terror freeze my heart there is of course no way i could have known but some how I did and I needed a way to make him be sure too and so I did something that I had thought of earlier I reached out my hand and pinched his nose with my two strong fingers and then held my thumb between the same
"Because your not gonna get this back until you do"
"Peter that's a bull" and we both laughed
I knew then that what I was doing mattered that people need to laugh just as surely as they need to breath just as surely as the blood transfusions that my brother received on so many occasions some of which were made of my blood saved his life this too was vital and that it just might be my lot in life to make light of this heavy thing that I could bear the burden that others couldn't and that because of that I had to.we stayed with him a full week during which he was transferred to the cancer ward in San Fransisco where they eventually saved his life but not before we had to leave him which broke my heart but before we left I told my mom to go ahead of me I had something to say to my brother fighting back the torrent of my tears I hugged him and said "your gonna get well"
"How can you be sure" he said and in that moment I could feel the terror freeze my heart there is of course no way i could have known but some how I did and I needed a way to make him be sure too and so I did something that I had thought of earlier I reached out my hand and pinched his nose with my two strong fingers and then held my thumb between the same
"Because your not gonna get this back until you do"
This last June my brother married the love of his life and I had the honor of serving as his best man which gave me the perfect opportunity to return what I had stolen. Not just his nose which was, of course, imaginary but the fear that I knew would have clouded his thoughts each day. By being brave for him i was able to transmute it into something else what I'm still not sure but I am sure that it was good.
A Drawing of My Brother
FAKING NORMAL
Courtney's Book,
Faking Normal, which this whole celebration is about goes on sale
February 25th. Do yourself a favor and check it out!
Alexi Littrell hasn't
told anyone what happened to her over the summer. Ashamed and
embarrassed, she hides in her closet and compulsively scratches the back
of her neck, trying to make the outside hurt more than the inside does.
When Bodee Lennox, the quiet and awkward boy next door, comes to live with the Littrells, Alexi discovers an unlikely friend in "the Kool-Aid Kid," who has secrets of his own. As they lean on each other for support, Alexi gives him the strength to deal with his past, and Bodee helps her find the courage to finally face the truth.
A searing, poignant book, Faking Normal is the extraordinary debut novel from an exciting new author-Courtney C. Stevens
When Bodee Lennox, the quiet and awkward boy next door, comes to live with the Littrells, Alexi discovers an unlikely friend in "the Kool-Aid Kid," who has secrets of his own. As they lean on each other for support, Alexi gives him the strength to deal with his past, and Bodee helps her find the courage to finally face the truth.
A searing, poignant book, Faking Normal is the extraordinary debut novel from an exciting new author-Courtney C. Stevens
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